 Hello. It's me, Tim Rogers. This marks the first post I've ever made on insertcredit.com's front page. Isn't that mysterious? Why did it take me so long? Who knows.
Anyway, I'm coming to you today to link you to Project FFDog: Volume Five, which covers the theme of "Final Fantasy VII: A Game For the Proletariat, By the Bourgeoisie." It is a serious matter. The lecture begins as soon as you click here. Bring a notepad and a tall glass of Dr. Pepper. Your professors Tim Rogers and Doug Jones will be tag-teaming for four hours. So do pay attention.
. . . Oh, who am I kidding? It's utter nonsense. It's screaming, horrific, complete, and utter nonsense. Though some of you find it funny to watch such nonsense, and find it even funnier to email me hatemail, saying you're going to find me and kill me if I don't put up FFDog V now, or else saying that you're going to find me and kill me if I do. So here it is. Laugh, if you will laugh, and don't, if you will don't.
And by the way, I reviewed Final Fantasy VII, too. You can find that review by clicking this very purple sentence. (The thing about the purple sentence is both a warning and a clever metaphor about the contents of the review. Do read it, and see!) Note that this review is on my personal website, largeprimenumbers.com, where I have been writing reviews of many games lately. To wit:
Genji for PS2 got two and a half stars out of four,
Square's rock-robot-scissors battler RPG Heavy Metal Thunder got a star and a half (shame about that one),
Nintendo/Namco's Super Mario Stadium got two stars and featured a goomba levitating a bat, and . . . well, there are some more reviews on there, too. Those are just the ones I remember.
As for Tokyo Game Show -- well. I went! And I would have to say that Dead Rising was my game of the show. I liked it very much. Goku Makaimura had some terrible control issues, which was heartbreaking. Jump Superstars was great as well, though it wasn't exactly at the show. It was on Aderack and Brandon's DS's; they each bought it immediately after stepping out of Ueno Station on the way into Tokyo from the airport. What a couple of dorks!! . . . Well, I think I'm going to buy it this week, just to use my points at the massive Akiba-Yodobashi, the world's largest electronics store, which just opened last Friday. It's double-points until tomorrow. Which is a national holiday (do you know which one?), which means the place is going to be stuffed. Hmm. Maybe I should go tonight. Aw, hell.
This paragraph is an apology to Chazumaru that my favorite, most-personality-filled Saizeriya in Tokyo (that being the one in West Ikebukuro) had completely changed its seating arrangement and was no longer fun to be in. To think that schoolgirl-scoping threads on 2channel used to call it "the best place to consistently see the realest schoolgirls in Japan." Then last week, all of a sudden, the drink bar is fizzy Pepsi and not flat Coke, and all the booths are gone, replaced with little round tables with low-backed chairs. Hmm. Such is decadence. We did see two old salarymen drinking wine, and more wine bottles on tables than I've ever seen at every Saizeriya I've ever been to combined (which is a lot). So comes the autumn menu; a "bikkuri size" bottle of wine is only 1,059 yen, which is half what the same size bottle used to cost, before they called it "bikkuri size." (That means "surprise size," which sounds cool in English as well.) The cheap wine is to, according to staff, help customers cope with the fading of youth. Saizeriya is still a hell of a place to play Jump Superstars wireless.
The few images in the Final Fantasy VII review are drawn by Persona-Sama, who will no doubt be eager to get the rest in to me when he sees I've linked him on the front page here. In closing, look at this picture of a Goomba with a baseball bat he did for my Mario Stadium review:
 Isn't that just classic? And yeah, it was I who told him to put the "zugyuuun" in there. And yes, I know "zugyuun" isn't the sound a ball makes against a wooden bat -- it's the sound a gunshot makes in a manga in which violence is stylized yet not flambuoyant. Well, it works for this piece, so . . .!!
So yeah, the point of all this: Final Fantasy VII review is here, and the Project FFDog Volume Five feature is right here. My insertcredit.com exclusive review of Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children (which Famitsu ran a "strategy guide" for last week, basically explaining all the relationships between the characters for people who had no idea what the hell was going on), on the other hand, can be seen right here. Do, also, watch "Parappa the Rapper in Torrance, California," as well. The videos are linked in the sidebar of the video feature and the "Advent Children" review. Email me your thoughts. Or just some money.
Also!! The Gamer's Quarter's new issue -- issue #3 -- is up. It includes an article by me, or should I say, an article by me includes the rest of the issue. I'd really . . . honestly intended for them to just cut one portion out and use it, though I guess they liked the whole thing!! That article, by the way, is kind of a sequel/rewriting of "life, non-warp", which was the first thing I wrote on this website. There's also some other cool stuff in there. It's a PDF, so don't freak out.
Until next time (which might be a couple of years) --
解散！！
|
