News: No more e3 booth babes?

January 24, 2006, 08:46 PM

by tim, via the ESA -
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i wear this shirt to e3 every year, actually. According to Next-Gen.biz, the ESA (the organization that holds E3) will enforce a $5,000 fine to show exhibitors if "nudity, partial nudity and bathing suit bottoms" or anything "sexually provocative" is displayed anywhere on the show floor. This is interesting indeed, because, well -- E3 has been becoming a vertiable swamp of booth babes lately. The worst offenders are (were?) the G4 booth babes, who wore tight shirts that read "G4 BOOTH BABE." I mean, my lord, if I ever catch myself merely speaking the words "booth babe" (as it stands, I have only ever typed), I'll check myself into some kind of criminal institution for stupidity. If I ever wake up wearing a T-shirt with "booth babe" written on it, I'll call the police as quickly as possible.

This new sanction amuses children of all ages, on all levels. Not only will it eliminate booth babes, it will also eliminate any male bodybuilders who were thinking of taking off their shirts and flexing. It will not prevent me from wearing my favorite T-shirt (see image). It will make it much easier for journalists to concentrate on fairly, accurately, and objectively writing previews of all those games they're supposed to be playing. It will not, however, make any games starring gangster rappers shooting innocent people in the head any less bitchingly popular. It will, however, please Tomonobu Itagaki, who told me a few E3s ago, shaking his head at booth babes, that "American women don't understand men."

We here at insertcredit.com pause to reflect on the booth babes of the past, and to muse: wouldn't it be cool if, say, SNK hired girls in glasses and big ankle-length coats, with scarves and mittens? Have you ever hugged a girl wearing a thick coat and mittens? If you haven't, you're really missing out. It's the tactile equivalent of knowing there's a Tootsie Roll in the center of your Tootsie Roll pop.

BREAKING NEWS: A story that just reached my virtual news desk says that the ESA will prohibit the entry of insertcredit.com's own Brandon Sheffield into the Los Angeles Convention Center during E3, stating that his very being falls under the "sexually provocative" adjective. Furthermore, the ESA has stated, "Not only is he sexually provocative no matter what he's wearing, he's just too durn gorgeous." This is not the first time the ESA has used the word "durn" in a press release. JOKING