Review: Portable Island for PSP

September 07, 2006, 07:22 PM

by tim, via ban-nam airlines -
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So basically there's a game for PSP by Bandai-Namco Games, what's called Portable Island: Tenohira no Resort. That means "Resort in the palm of your hand." This is an article about that game. Maybe it's a review. Maybe it's not. It certainly uses the F-word a whole lot, so if that sort of thing scares you, you might not want to read it. It's also very, very long and deals mostly with hypothetical things some might find inane. Though really, do you really want to read a review of a game about a vacation on an island? An island where you're all alone? You want to know about the graphics and sound, and how it plays?

Here's the capsule review, then: the graphics are boring. Not as good as real life. The sound is alright, though the PSP has a serious volume problem. The smell isn't right -- a real ocean should smell a lot different. The gameplay is "a mixed bag" and the inclusion of musical instruments feels weirdly insulting to anyone who has ever owned a toy ukulele. The producers were sanctimonious enough to pretend people were calling it "Boku no natsuyasumi for adults," though they were mostly faking that, because Boku no natsuyasumi is already for adults. The next thing you know they're going to make a game about putting on shoes and say that their mothers called it "Animal Crossing for girls." Then they'll make an action game with a darkness sensor and pay a magazine to give it a glowing review that calls it "Boktai for people who don't want to go outside."

So yes, click here to read an article with its head up its own rear-end about a game that has its head up its own rear-end.

In other world news, summer will be over in fourteen days. Go find some place the sun still shines hard, and stand there for a while, and feel the heat fade, like it's supposed to.