Feature: "gaming's missing kane"

March 01, 2007, 10:26 PM

by tim, via -
[permalink]

2007 delivers the MOST INTENSE BURNOUT YETOne-time insertcredit.com contributor and heavy aerosol addict Brendan Lee has written an article about why there isn't a "Citizen Kane" of videogames yet. You can read it if you like.

"It's gone. Nothing feels crispy/clicky enough; the fully-orchestrated soundtracks have a hollowness that dedicated Super Famicom sound chips never did. The more polygons they added, the less substance there is. Something's somehow . . . missing."

Now would also be a good time, if you haven't attempted to already and understandably failed, read "are videogames terrorism?" (hey, kotaku linked it!) and/or "the 'ben-hur' of videogames".

There is an enlightening discussion about the terrorism-like nonsense that is modern videogame production and PR going on at the selectbutton.net forums right now, along with a bit of jolly rogering about the back of the new Burnout box. That game, don't you know, is properly titled "Battle Racing Ignited Burnout Dominator". Not making that up.

Just because it bears repeating, here's the entirety of said Burnout game's back-of-box text -- all capitalization is represented precisely as it appears on the box:

"2007 delivers the MOST INTENSE BURNOUT YET

SLAM YOUR RIVALS through barriers to UNLOCK SHORTCUTS.

Experience the thrill of BOOST CHAINING for OUTRAGEOUS RACING SPEED.

Choose your VEHICLE FOR BATTLE, from HOTRODS TO EUROPEAN EXOTICS.

Take risks and REAP THE REWARDS in the ALL-NEW MANIAC MODE.

Go HEAD-TO-HEAD with your friends for some MULTIPLAYER MAYHEM.

DOMINATE ANY SETTING, from the WINDY MOUNTAINS TO THE BEACH."

Fans of erratic capitalization are also pointed, on this occasion, to the internet's Legacy Website "Jerk Your Own Adventure".

If this sort of thing morbidly interests you, you'd like to know that Mr. Lee's feature deals with similar themes. Yes -- boost chaining and rival-slamming and OUTRAGEOUS SPEED (emphasis on the "speed"). So check it out and have something to talk to disinterested co-workers about around the water cooler on Monday.