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Wednesday:
The Gripping Conclusion
The Happy Room Academy informs me that my room looks better than before. A few fish caught on Tuesday afternoon were enough to pay for the basement. I now have a bigger room. I still don’t get a prize for it. I have positioned the statue so it’s urinating toward a large black rock I found suspiciously in the town dump. I have a green mini-bar situated against my right wall. I don’t remember where I got it. “KK Jazz” is still playing on the stereo. That cymbal is so reminiscent of SNES that I’m near tears.
I’m standing in the middle of my living room in a T-shirt and soccer shorts. I think I’m going to go somewhere soon. I have my professional putting mat rolled out in the middle of the floor. It’s raining in Billy’s Naptown, and clear enough to go to the driving range in mine. Yet I’m still in my living room, alternating between putting and tinkering with my Wavebird.
The phone rings, and I pick it up from its covert location within the easy chair’s cushions. I check the caller ID this time -- it’s the college loan people. They’re going to ask if I got their letter yet -- in all honesty, I haven't. What do they do, call every damned week? I don’t want to talk to them.
I’m standing here, holding the ringing phone, thinking: I never got the axe. I never got to chop down trees. I never got to see my pears bloom -- it’ll be a few more days now. I never found a bed. There’s a letter in my inventory, to Hazel.
“OMFGOMFGOMFG LOLOLOLOL.”
The phone is still ringing when I walk over to the Gamecube, slide my big toe over the power button, and turn it off, all without saving.
I feel like the hero of some old sci-fi novel:
“I have my own life, professor Miyamoto. And it’s real, even if it kinds of sucks. I don’t need to lead your cartoon life in your cartoon world! ”
(Cue loud explosion, followed by a “Yeeha” and very feminine, whispered congratulations)
And so I choose to spend that life living to the fullest, by . . . by watching movies with endings, and . . . playing games that can be beaten.
Gunstar Heroes, anyone?
Final Verdict: I did not buy Animal Crossing, and probably won’t, until it’s really, really cheap. I’ll resume my saved game, and be severely delinquent in my loan to Tom Nook, who will probably have overturned garbage cans all over Billy’s property. The game is seriously worth a rent, if you have the memory card space and don’t mind playing a “life sim” where you can’t shoot old ladies in the face with a shotgun.
tim rogers recommends fresh air every once in a while.
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