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 Ah Dyhard. Gamepark publicized the hell out of this game in Korea, as it was to be the GP32’s big title shortly after launch. Obviously they hadn’t played it prior to making this decision. Dyhard is an impossible game, and I cannot comprehend the logic behind it (other than the pseudo license theft). In most levels, your character (Bruce Reeves!) walks back and forth, and it is beyond your control to stop him. What you can do is make him jump, and control the height thereof. His goal is to ascend a horrendous number of platforms to reach the top, making sure not to fall below the level of the screen. Thus the subtitle: with infinite stairs, as it does indeed feel that way. He has rockets to help him get up there, but only begins each level with two. Items grabbed can add to these, boost your jump, or turn you into a useless piece of…trash? A popsicle? Not sure about that. These levels are tough enough, but another type requires you to descend instead. Now you may control his movement, for some reason, but no longer his jumping (he does not jump at all). Rocks are piling down behind you, and you’ve got to jump down from platform to platform, while neither falling offscreen nor even touching the rocks above. You’ve got parachutes to ‘help’, which most frequently just launch you up into the rocks. The final levels consist of a horizontal shooting (bullet-hell) boss stage, and a ‘tap the a button to outrun the explosion’ stage. Memories of Shenmue abound. To cap it off, your final task is to choose one of three doors. One leads to an escape pod, the other two lead to instant death. Indeed. The most shocking part of this game to me, is that it actually had playtesters. I’ll be blatantly honest with you here. I used cheats to win. I figure, after trying to beat this game for eight months, I deserve to see the end. Buy this one if you need the pain. Were it available on MegaGP I’d almost say spend 8000 krw on it, just for the experience.
Miniscore: 5.9/10
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Dooly Soccer is the closest you’ll get to a sports game on the GP32 at this point. It’s more in the Midway ‘Xtreme’ style though, as the game is located firmly in the arcade, rather than the simulation. The gameplay is certainly recognizable as soccer, but the teams all have odd themes, like mummies, dinosaurs, and the absurdly inappropriate turban-clad, gun toting Osama look-alikes. Each character has a special move which pops up if certain conditions are met (aggressiveness, length of ball possession, etc), which can liven the gameplay a bit. Examples include teleportation, speed, and some I haven’t quite figured out just yet (skeleton?). The tournament and single play modes are fine enough, though there are a few problems here and there. The playing field is so small that slide tackles usually just give the ball to the goalie, for one thing. You cannot control your own goalie incidentally. And the switching of controlled character seems a bit haphazard at times, you cycle through the players with one button. There are a few extra modes as well – a sliding puzzle game with several images to work with, and a (surprise!) shooting mode. The shooting game is a bit odd, in that you (as Dooly), must tow an inflatable raft filled with kids through space. You may shoot down asteroids if you wish, but this of course makes them spread. A fun diversion, though ultimately very shallow. Dooly Soccer is a worthwhile investment for arcade fun, but may not be for the serious footie fans.
