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Number Seven:
I had to leave for Tokyo just two days before the film "Lost in Translation" opened in Los Angeles. This angered the motherliness out of me, let me tell you, because a certain British magazine had offered me real, live money to write a review of that film. They wanted me to review it because my writings on Tokyopia.com covered "similar themes similarly," and I was pretty jazzed about writing it for them, because they were a big, "important" magazine, and they were going to allow me two thousand words to "be interesting." This was an excellent chance to do something excellent.
In all honesty, it wasn't much money. I looked at the number they were suggesting, and then I looked at the price of my airplane ticket. It was non-refundable, and unchangeable. It was a real headache. I wanted the chance, and the prestige, and I had to end up just not taking it. I missed the showing of the film.
Two days before the sudden offer of money came, that's when I bought the ticket. I bought the ticket with money I'd earned from selling off my entire videogame collection. With the mass of extra cash I had, I decided to buy Final Fantasy Tactics Advance for Gameboy Advance -- the only system I'd kept of all the systems I'd owned. I did this, and swore I wouldn't crack it open until I was on the plane out of Seattle. I kept this promise, kind of -- I actually ended up starting a quest as an effort to stay awake in a McDonalds in SEATAC. I then played through the introduction scene, smiling like a big dumb bastard until it came time to turn the system off, because I was on an airplane, and that airplane was about to take off.
What utter, glory-full sincerity that game displays in its opening moments. A first for a Final Fantasy game, the story tells of children whose "real" world is suddenly translated into the world of Final Fantasy, their favorite videogame. That the city, the "real" one the hero yearns so deeply to return to, while full of things like light poles and snow and modern-day automobiles, is no place like New York or Los Angeles that actually exists in the real world -- I smile now to remember it. It's a beautifully polished little piece of work, right there at the beginning. Too bad it becomes a little boring once the world fades to fantasy and the fighting begins.
I was only in the middle of the first battle when I had to turn the game off because of personal-electronics-related federal airline safety regulations. I took up a magazine, and was looking over it lazily. It was one of those airline magazines, and it was in Japanese. There was a section about movies currently opening on the American West Coast, and "Lost in Translation" was one of them. I gritted my teeth at the opportunity I missed, and then wondered, what the hell -- why is this a magazine for people returning from Japan? I felt mocked. I considered, for a moment, writing a review of Final Fantasy Tactics Advance, and then gave the idea up like I give up every portable game I lay my hands on. I'm a quitter, these days. Come to think of it, I didn't finish a single RPG in 2003 that I hadn't finished already before.
Fire Emblem for Gameboy Advance? Yeah, that's a hell of a game, even better than Advance Wars 2, in my book. That's not to say I ever actually beat either. Golden Sun 2 didn't hold my interest, though I can admit it's pretty. Sword of Mana -- yeah, that one's pretty, too.
Mario and Luigi Superstar Saga? That's the Paper Mario of the moment, yeah. It's a beautiful, simple little game, the RPG of the year for 2003, and definitely the portable game of the year. It edges out Super Mario Advance 4: Super Mario Bros. 3 (even on a GBP on a GC at E3, yes) for the latter category, though only because it's new. I still haven't beaten it -- or Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow, the runner-up to the title.
Definitely not something I'd risk carrying on an airplane: The Nokia N-Gage. Insulting ad campaigns and foot-in-mouth PR were clearly, from the start, the least of the system's worries. I had one thrust in my hands five seconds out of the Nintendo press conference at E3, and holy shit was I feeling the pain. It was like picking up an American NES controller after years of PlayStation have erased your palm-calluses: it hurt. And not in a good way -- it hurt because it was ugly, and because Sonic-N, a game starring my beloved young hedgehog, had been squeezed into a screen with a 4:1 aspect ratio; here I was, repeatedly killing poor Sonic because Nokia had ripped away my peripheral vision in the name of making a game system I could pull out of my pants in front of ladies and still keep my cool.
The Nokia N-Gage has a dubious honor of being swept away by the unified anger of hateful gamers more quickly than any product in history. Thanks to the grace of good people like Gabe and Tycho, the world was kept informed of how much they hated this vile piece of shit without ever having to touch one. Or even use it as a phone.
(Yes, I'm on the Sidetalkin' site, on page one, even. Yes, with a WonderSwan Color and the King of Fighters Iori T-shirt. No, there's no need to tell the story. I was at Chuck's place in Akasaka one Saturday morning, and feeling stupid, and there it was.)
So Gameboy Advance was strong this year, much as the next item on my list might have you not believe. It was so strong that I witnessed Doug Jones and Eric-Jon Waugh touchingly trading (collectible!) souls in Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow on the ten-minute bus rides back and forth to E3 in May. It's good, I suppose, that some people can be so compelled to want to play those portable games in ways that take advantage of every possible feature while on ten-minute bus rides. It gives me hope that someday, I, too, might be able to take advantage of every little feature of my every little thing on a twelve-hour flight.
[next: number six: a right hand full of ice candy, an ear full of nothing]
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