DeusJester  |
How about SIM SERIAL KILLER! Fear my satire, kids.
In recent months, games like Manhunt and The Suffering have raised the bar on just what we've come to expect from our videogames in terms of brutal violence and mind-numbing acts of human depravity. In keeping with the times, I propose a game that allows players to actively live out their secret, unspoked desire to become an infamous serial rapist and murderer!
The fun starts on the character selection screen. Taking a cue from the recent City of Heroes, Sim-Killer sports the most dynamic and powerful character creation system ever. Branching paths in regards to a character's race, social class, sexual orientation, and religious practices, in addition to numerous adjustable psychological factors involving things like frequency, severity, and type of parental/sibling abuse allow for near-endless levels of character customization. Want to be the Satanic Hedonist with a penchant for blondes in their mid 30's and a reputation for taping the proceedings in his trailer full of rusty gardening tools? How about the half-retarded homosexual with an Oedipal Complex and a penchant for skullfucking his victims while screaming daddy's name and wearing a diaper? If you've ever read about it in a crappy drug-store paperback thriller, you can do it! Preordering the game will even net you a bonus disc which opens up the wildly entertaining "Catholic Priest" character tree, complete with it's own set of self-delusional mental defenses and even special protection from the law in the form of the "sympathetic bishop's transfer order" ability.
The gameplay itself revolves around the player's ability to kill their victims in a way that garners the most points according to the player's chosen set of psychosis, along with utilizing whichever special powers these psychosis may grant. An educated, Hannibal-esque character can gather the most points from luring unsuspecting high-class teachers, musicians and wealthy homosexuals onto the premisis, giving them mescaline, and then tricking them into hacking their faces off with shards of a mirror, while a Red Dragon type character will gain the highest score by brutally murdering entire families using his bare hands, or possibly a fire poker. Extra points for making adults watch the kids go first!
As the player progresses, they may gain enough notoriety to attract the attention of local (or national) law enforcement, keeping the suspension level to a maximum. Killing that nosy bitch detective and eating her lungs may stave off the man for a little while, but be careful where you hide that body - a dead cop will only bring more heat in the long run. Savvy players, however, can use this to up the game's difficulty and raise their reputation at the same time. Nothing sends the Feds knocking your door down like a mailed videotape of you raping that quadrapeligic librarian with a garden hose before skinning her and making yourself a nice hat.
Finally, take it to the ultimate level by customizing your own serial killer's dungeon. Will it be a mobile home hidden deep in the woods and filled with bladed sexual devices? A John Wayne Gacy-esque acid bath in your living room? Or maybe you'll go all high-concept and work out of a tomb for your vampire wannabe character, or the attic of an elementary school for those principal-with-a-dark-secret types? The only limits are your imagination!
Multiplayer forthcoming as soon as we figure out how to make it work. Acclaim has already signed on to publish.
|
On a sad note, former president Reagan passed away in his home earlier this month. Apparently he woke up one morning and completely forgot to live! [Nod knowingly several times, switch pocketed hand.] FUCKING ASS CUNT MOTHERFUCKER. THIS IS A BANANA BIRD. I DREW IT ON THE BUS.
After smashing the place up a bunch and calling me a cunt, the robot finally powered down face-first in the bathtub. I never knew a robot could vomit gin.
